dear fellow minions! How can I begin? I hope you are
sitting down. I have something awful to tell you. I put
off pulling together this newsletter for sometime now because I
just didn't know how to say what has to be said. Oh dear friends,
how do I begin? Something awful has happened. Something
so terrible that I dare not postpone informing you of it any
longer. The Mooj is missing! Yes, The Mooj never returned from
his adventure down in Southern Maryland. He, Lance Worthy and
Trent Handjoy checked out of their motel on July 16, 2003 and then
were never seen or heard from again.
We suspect foul play!
As most of you know The Mooj, Trent and Lance had
uncovered some big car theft/counterfeit/kidnapping ring. They
decided not to investigate any further but obviously those that were
being investigated didn't know that. Could The Mooj, Lance and
Trent have walked into a trap? Who knows. All I know is that
their motorcycles were found a few days after their disappearance in
a garbage dumpster. (But since the motorcycles were actually missing before
The Mooj, Trent and Lance had disappeared we don't think it has
anything to do with their disappearance.)
are now asking for your help! We're
putting together two search parties and are headed down to
Southern Maryland to look for The Mooj, Trent and Lance. Dr. Raj "Saagar"
Chopra is leading one of the search parties and I'll be leading the
We have been in contact with local law enforcement and they
have been of no help at all. St. Mary's County
Assistant Deputy Enos Lusby was put in charge of the case but he has yet to return any of my phone calls or
emails. He won't even answer his door when I knock.
On other Ashram related business, the
Ashram will be closed indefinitely while all available staff members
are commandeered for search party activity. The perpetual
meditation room, however, is still in operation and should remain so
as long as homeless people continue to sleep out back.
I've also been asked to mention that we are no longer accepting
donated automobiles here at The Ashram. Several weeks ago one
of the interns mailed out notices and posted signs asking people to
donate their old unwanted cars to help fund the Ashram's latest
theft recovery. Well, that intern wasn't thinking because now
we have a parking lot full of unwanted cars. The landlord
wants them out of here and has threatened to have them towed to open
up parking spots for his other office park tenants. We have no
idea what to do with these cars so if you donated an old unwanted
car please take it back. Cars left unclaimed by September 2nd
will be towed at the former owner's expense.
in The Mooj,