Tragedy! O dear fellow minions!  How can I begin?  I hope you are sitting down.  I have something awful to tell you.  I put off pulling together this newsletter for sometime now because I just didn't know how to say what has to be said.  Oh dear friends, how do I begin?  Something awful has happened.  Something so terrible that I dare not postpone informing you of it any longer.  The Mooj is missing!  Yes, The Mooj never returned from his adventure down in Southern Maryland.  He, Lance Worthy and Trent Handjoy checked out of their motel on July 16, 2003 and then were never seen or heard from again.  

We suspect foul play!  As most of you know The Mooj, Trent and Lance had uncovered some big car theft/counterfeit/kidnapping ring.  They decided not to investigate any further but obviously those that were being investigated didn't know that.  Could The Mooj, Lance and Trent have walked into a trap?  Who knows.  All I know is that their motorcycles were found a few days after their disappearance in a garbage dumpster.  (But since the motorcycles were actually missing before The Mooj, Trent and Lance had disappeared we don't think it has anything to do with their disappearance.)

We are now asking for your help!  We're putting together two search parties and are headed down to Southern Maryland to look for The Mooj, Trent and Lance.  Dr. Raj "Saagar" Chopra is leading one of the search parties and I'll be leading the other.

We have been in contact with local law enforcement and they have been of no help at all.  St. Mary's County Assistant Deputy Enos Lusby was put in charge of the case but he has yet to return any of my phone calls or emails.  He won't even answer his door when I knock.

On other Ashram related business, the Ashram will be closed indefinitely while all available staff members are commandeered for search party activity.  The perpetual meditation room, however, is still in operation and should remain so as long as homeless people continue to sleep out back.  

Oh, I've also been asked to mention that we are no longer accepting donated automobiles here at The Ashram.  Several weeks ago one of the interns mailed out notices and posted signs asking people to donate their old unwanted cars to help fund the Ashram's latest theft recovery.  Well, that intern wasn't thinking because now we have a parking lot full of unwanted cars.  The landlord wants them out of here and has threatened to have them towed to open up parking spots for his other office park tenants.  We have no idea what to do with these cars so if you donated an old unwanted car please take it back.  Cars left unclaimed by September 2nd will be towed at the former owner's expense.

Yours in The Mooj,
Intern "Gus"