PAGE 1

  

 

     

Letters, Random Memories and Assorted Sea Stories

-Foreword-

Gather around my fellow tars and pour yourself a drink (preferably a San Miguel).  What you are about to read is the largest collection of sea stories ever gathered in one place.  Best of all, these stories are from fellow USS Enterprise nukes and engineers like yourself.  No one can deny that The Big E was the best warship ever built and that the guys that gave her her steam were the best nukes and engineers that ever sailed the seven seas.  We were also pretty funny.  In fact, our sense of humor was legendary and was probably the one thing that helped get us through it all.

More than just sea stories these are the tales of our youth, the recollections of life-long friends and random memories of strange people and far away places.  Hopefully these stories will put a smile on your face.  All I ask is that after you read these stories that you share one or two of your own.  All stories are posted in order of arrival. 

Ram Tuli, aka "KP"

Page 1 started Feb 27, 2001

 

Bishop's Rock and The Barrio Remembered

I was on the Big E from 85-87. Caught the running into Bishop's Rock, the sound was like someone dropping deckplates on top of you. Vacuum on the main condenser starts going to shit and the CMO calls EOS and says,"I think someone lit off an eductor wrong." The Watch Officer can't believe he has someone so Out of It. 

In the PI, the Barrio to be exact, Myself and "Eight Ball" were receiving oral pleasure from each of our girls sitting side-by-side, staring at the beautiful bay and we have them stop and go get us more beer. We had our priorities straight. I was assigned to 2 plant RE Division if you care.

D. Doyle

Some Anonymous RM14 Guy Fondly Remembers Dear, Sweet, Humble Chief Dwaine Bush:

I was at the California Jam (in Olongapo) when Clay Pulley slugged Chief Bush.  It was during a slam dance session and we were all lined up to take turns slamming into Bush as he stood dazed, drunk and confused on the dance floor.  I remember quite a melee broke out and shore patrol had to come and clear the place out.  It was our last night in PI and we were all really drunk.  The next day in 4 plant Bush came down for muster and his face looked like a cauliflower.  We were all sitting out on the flats and Clay kept asking the chief what happened to him.  Bush knew Clay was the one that slugged him but he also knew everyone saw him swing at Clay, too.  Bush always seemed a bit less cocky after that.

Memories About "Old" RE Div (circa 1985) from "Baby Bullet": 

One time a visiting commander (from Navy Reactors) brought Gil Miltenberger (working under me at the time) to see me in the switchgear room about his quasi-punk rock haircut. At that time I had my haircut into a flat top with the top bleached white so who was I to tell Gil his hair was unsat? I told the commander that I read the regulations on appropriate hairstyles and Gil’s haircut was satisfactory. The commander left to go speak to our division officer about both of us.

"Flash" (a.k.a. The Sloth) had the best story about leaving the ship on a duty day.  Once he assumed the shutdown reactor electrician watch for the forward group, left the ship, had drinks with Commander Gorman (the Reactor Officer at the time) at the Rusty Pelican in Alameda and then returned to the ship at the end of the watch so that he could be relieved.

And did you guys ever get into water fights in the plant? We used to set up elaborate water traps for people. I remember when we were out at sea one time and an officer leaving the ship was bragging that he was never nailed with water. We waited outside the EOS, when I gave the signal, a Reactor Mechanic applied 120 Psig to a tygon tube full of water. We soaked him. We finally had to taper off on the water fights when an RM douched down and grounded a charging pump. It failed its PM and had to be dried using air dryers.

Everybody had something going on. While people were making grape wine in the plant, some people had to go the next step. I brought scotch whiskey on the ship with me and would drink a scotch and water while watching a movie on KENT TV. Everyone thought it was a protein drink. One short timer was standing his last RO watch at the 4A RCP while at sea and was drinking a beer poured into a large plastic cup. It could have been a soda for all the watch officer and watch supervisor knew. Talk about brazen.

B.B.

 

The Funniest/Saddest/Most Horrific Thing I Ever Saw:

Whenever I get together with old Big E shipmate buddies, one tale that always seems to pop up is an event that most of us (who witnessed it) believe to be the most awful--yet funny--thing we ever saw.  It was when poor Melvin Holmes rolled down the hill at Hunter's Point and mowed down dozens of people like he was a bowling ball and they were bowling pins.  It was right after some big change of command ceremony (~1986) and everyone was wearing their dress blues.  The place where the ceremony took place was at the top of this huge hill and everyone was trying to take a shortcut down the hill instead of taking this long and winding path.  Hundreds of Big E sailors were on that hill when poor Melvin fell and started rolling.  Many, including Melvin, were pretty badly hurt.  Melvin must have rolled for over 100 yards!  I remember Cmdr. Sevald always had a soft spot in his heart for Terry Hickey (RE02) after that awful day because Terry pushed him out of the way as Melvin came thundering by.  Sevald told Terry, "You saved my life, man!"

The following story was shared with me by a former RE.  I hope he doesn't mind but I'd like to share it with you.  It's about Mike Bowden, a very dear friend to many in Reactor Dept.  Mike died during the 1986 cruise: 

Mike Bowden was about one of the nicest guys I ever worked with in the Navy. Believe it or not I still have a sweatshirt that he gave while on the ship. It's just a plain black CB SKI GEAR sweatshirt that didn't fit him or something. It is getting pretty beat up but I can't bring myself to throw it out. I probably never will. I worked with him during his first tour on the Enterprise. Then he had a seizure while donating plasma. He also suffered claustrophobia. None of that was enough to get him permanently removed from the ship. On his return to the ship he was my sea-pup and I was his sea-pop (or sea-dad). But I have to tell you this funny story regarding he and I. We were in port, we had work to do, I was the 4 plant LPO and he was being impatient. I remember he had a thyroid problem or something and would get jumpy to get something done. I sent him to get the tagouts signed so that we could check ground readings on the 15 HZ MG sets. The reactors had been shut down for some time and we had transferred reactor coolant pumps from CTGs (30-60 HZ) to the MGs (15 HZ) to continue the plant cooldown. He came back with tags signed. The watch officer probably just wanted to get him out of his hair. He didn't tell me there were any restrictions on the tagout. He and I went to the EDG/MG rooms to tag out the power supply breakers from the ships electrical ring bus to the 15 HZ breakers. We got there and were in a hurry and didn't stop to notice the MG sets were still carrying RCPs. We ended up opening the breakers and the MG sets and pumps coasted down. The SROs in the EOS opened the individual breakers to the RCPs. We felt like assholes. The watch officer told us he had explained to Mike to wait until the cooldown was complete. I ended up with an extra duty day in Australia for that one. I was pissed at Mike but you couldn't stay mad at him for long.

BB

 

Do You Remember Stinger's 'Big Mistake'? 

I remember once we pulled into NAS North Island, San Diego and a bunch of us 4-planters went down to Tijuana. Most of us had been to TJ before and knew which places to avoid. There was one bar in particular called Club Bambi that had all transsexual strippers working in it. I guess someone forgot to tell "Stinger" about that because he went there, got drunk and then commenced to get it on with one of the strippers. Later when he was told that all the strippers at Club Bambi were actually men he lamented, truthfully, that he had probably done something there that he shouldn't have.

A Lifer Chief Remembered: 

I remember one time our ship pulled into Alameda and I was relieved from watch shortly after C note. My girlfriend at the time was waved onto the base and found her way to the pier. She was picking me up so that we could go out. I think I was in between cars at the time. I'm leaving the ship feeling pretty good. It felt like Miller time. The brow chief said my hair was unsat because it was touching my ears. I pointed out my girl friend on the pier and said that she was a hairdresser and that if he gave me his name I would report to him after my liberty with a sat haircut. I also pointed out that it was evening and that no barbers were on the ship. None of that made sense to the idiot. I ended up going back to my rack and cutting my hair with a straight razor so that he would let me off of the ship. My hair looked like shit. But this was a satisfactory situation for the lifer chief. I was so pissed that it practically ruined the night out with my girlfriend. The funny thing about the Navy is that the lifers running it don't recognize that they are the biggest reason for the lack of retention and the poor morale. How can you treat people like that and ask them to stay and have good morale. And no one working over them recognizes the problem.

B.B.

"Baby Bullet" shared the following story with me about former RE Rick Kuhn: 

Rick Kuhn was a real nice guy but his farmer roots showed through sometimes. I remember going out to the I-Beam in SF a day or two before his wedding with his brothers and good friends visiting the Bay Area From Wisconsin. They were dressed in their best Wisconsin farmland clothing: Boot cut jeans that were too small, worn out quasi cowboy boots used during the completion of farm tasks, Caterpillar tractor ball caps, chew in their cheeks, and too-tight T-shirts with such logos as "Bill's Farm and Feed Supplies".  My warnings of keeping an open mind didn't have any effect on them. Looking back, I don't think they enjoyed themselves too much or the many passes made at them by the men of SF.

B.B.

"Rocken Randall," A 3-Plant M-Div Person Remembers MMCM Otto: 

Chuck Otto, what a character! I had no idea who this guy was but he was apparently a legend in the Surface Nuke community. He came back to the Big E prior to the NorPac/WestPac of '87-88 as the M-Div Chief.  It wasn’t bad enough that the Navy was sending us to do cold weather ops in Alaska on the day before Thanksgiving and testing the capabilities of the ship to be at sea for 6+ weeks without and Un-Rep, but Otto comes along disguised as the legendary "White Tornado" of the M-Div coop.  After a long, hard day he has the coop cleaners kick everyone out of the coop and then commence to strip every rack in the berthing. All the "stuff" stashed under S. Meller’s mattress was bagged and tagged as "bio-hazard", all Sweetness Mike Rigitto’s love letters from Mom, all Ted Burford’s Tattoo mags and Roger Autoclaves entire library of porn where bagged and dumped into the Bering Sea! The place was scrubbed from top to bottom and then we were all brought back to make our racks up 4.0 SAT!!! YES SIR.  Yeah, I know he taught us all about the hazards of improperly stowed stuff that could cause eductors to fowl by hindering DC efforts and the end result was a clean coop we all enjoyed a little more.  He also got our A/C fixed, which we didn't need in Alaska but was mighty nice in the I.O.

Paybacks are a bitch though.  Remember the "Port-o'-Call" Bingo games that would be broken up by Capt. Rittenour's Q&A sessions? You could call KENT-TV with a question for the C.O. and if it were pertinent the Captain would answer it. In one such episode there was a bunch of whining airdales demanding more "huffers" for the flight deck. Over and over again the C.O. was asked, "When are we getting more huffers? We’re stretched too thin in the huffer department, why can't you get more huffers? – You’re the Captain, …. huffers, huffers, huffers......" Well, I had heard enough. I was in the M-Div Tech office, which was next to the M-Div office where MMCM (SW) Otto and all the other M-Div Goats where watching the show. I called KENT-TV and guess who answered the phone, Capt. Kangaroo (The old gray haired XO at the time). I said, in my best impression, "XO, This is Master Chief Machinist's Mate Charles - Chuck - Otto and I've been in this Navy for a long time. Now my boys and I have just one question for the Captain, you airdales are talking an awful lot about these 'huffers' and we just want to know what exactly are these god-dammed huffers you're talking about? Huh? What are they? Because if they don't have to do with the engineering spaces I just don't think we give a damn!" Well the XO seemed shaken by the question but he regained his composure and began to chuckle and replied, "OK Master Chief, we'll get your question answered right away!" After a few more airdale/huffer questions, Capt. Rittenour gets to MMCM's question and he starts to laugh. He answers the question while laughing, "Well Master Chief Otto and the men in Engineering Department would like to know what a huffer is. Well Master Chief, a huffer is a little tractor with a powerful blower on it that we hook up to the plane engine to get it to turn over so we can start the plane's motor.  Right now we only have two that are operational. Thanks for the question Master Chief." I went in to the M-Div Office to get some popcorn and check out the reaction. There was stone silence! Then MMCM (SW) Otto turns to face everyone and says: "Someone has just taken my name in vain!" MMCM did a lot for M-Div that we didn't appreciate at the time but looking back helped make Eng. Dept a better place!

J.H.

 

The Haunted Switchgear Room: 

Back in the 1960s an electrician was electrocuted in 2&3 SWGR.  He supposedly operated a manual disconnect without first de-energizing the main bus and was killed instantly. Unlike the other SWGR rooms, 2&3 SWGR was isolated in 1 AMR and the SWGR operator was usually all alone in there for most of his watch.  (In other words, there was no RE or watch supervisor hanging around to shoot the shit with like there was in the other SWGRs.)  Everyone knew 2&3 SWGR was haunted by the ghost of that dead electrician guy and hated standing the mid-watch there.  Worst of all, the boys of EE30 were pretty mean sometimes.  Whenever a new guy had his first "late" watch in there they would crawl down through the escape tunnel, open the escape hatch and then make ghost sounds.  Mr. Anderson (the E-Div division officer at the time) finally had to put a stop to this rite of passage when the boys scared poor "Zippy the Pinhead" so bad that he abandoned his watch station and fled from the switchgear room in holy terror.

Do you remember The Devil? 

In 1986 the Devil arrived in Reactor Department.  He was known as MMCM Carl Deaville to some but to most he was simply called "the Devil."  One day he and Skelitor were inspecting Reactor Department on the hangar bay.  This was a few months after we got back from the '86 cruise.  (This was the inspection where Skelitor went ape shit because no one was wearing sea service ribbons.)  Anyway, the Devil starts giving every other guy a hit for not having sideburns.  He then lectures us by saying that "having no sideburns may be okay for the disco but not in my navy."  When asked where it was stated in the regs that sailors had to have sideburns the Devil just said that since the navy had regulations for sideburns that meant everyone had to have them.  The very next day almost everyone in Rx dept. shaved off their sideburns in protest and this really pissed off Deaville.  The Devil kept up his war on no sideburns until the new XO arrived a few weeks later.  (The new XO didn't have any sideburns.)

Mr. "Venison" 

The guys in 4 plant were pretty ruthless to a certain watch officer (whose name rhymed with "Venison").  For some reason this watch officer was in the habit of taking off his boondockers and then putting his head down on the watch officer's desk to go to sleep.  One time he woke up and couldn't find his boondockers.  The ROs, throttleman and LRPT had no idea where they were (or at least that's what they told him).  "Mr. Venison" then called the watch supervisor to EOS so that he could leave the EOS to look for his shoes.  "Mr. Venison" then walked through the plant in his socks until he found his boondockers HP-taped to the shaft.  By then the shaft was turning at full speed (whoever taped them to the shaft did it when the shaft was either stopped or on the jack).  "Mr. Venison" was pissed but couldn't do anything about it since it wouldn't have happened if he hadn't of gone to sleep.

From a Former 3-plant RM-Div Chief: 

Hey, you weren't serious about Club Bambi in Tijuana were you?  I used to go there all the time.  You were kidding about all the strippers being men there weren't you?

-MMC (SW) Treeggs

 

A story by an old one planter.  He did not wish to use his real name since it may ruin his chances of running for President some day: 

O.K., I'm not gonna name any names because I don't know what kind of statute of limitations applies. I am an ex-RM11 puke, on board for the cruises of 82-83, 84, and 86. During the 86 cruise, I was standing in the repair locker during GQ looking at the maps of the ship when I suddenly realized that the # 1 engine room escape trunk came up in Dental, on the 2nd deck. (This was the portside aft escape trunk, NOT the one through EOS). I conferred with one of my m-div buddies, and we decided since dental only had daylight hours, they were probably unmanned during night hours. A few phone calls seemed to confirm this, so a plan was hatched to go on an exploratory mission. We went up the trunk and found ourselves in a little storage space of some sort, but there wasn't much more than some laundry in it. We went out into the hall and into the examining rooms, and helped ourselves to some nitrous oxide, and decided to steal the bottle. When it ran out, we even went back up and filled it again, after I rigged up a cross connector with the use of parts from RM-3. When I left the ship, I hid the bottle on top of decon in upper level RAR (remember in one plant it has three levels, so the space above decon is very tight). I have wondered what happened to the bottle in the years that have gone by.

B.W.D.

Division Secrets: 

It seemed like every few months MTT was on the E running drills and looking over all our maintenance records. My pal Dicko and I inherited some pretty shady logs when we became the group supervisors and we did our best to correct things but there were still many "land mines" out there waiting to be found. Our division was notorious for being smooth and we usually got through these audits with few or no hits while the other divisions were literally decimated.  Here's how we did it:  

Most of the time our MTT inspector was the same guy. This fellow was an avowed RV enthusiast and for some reason we knew that. Before the MTT audit took place, Dicko, our chief and I would hide RV magazines in the chief’s desk drawer. When the MTT auditor came down both Dicko and I took turns in the hot seat while the auditor thumbed through schedules and maintenance material history logs. As soon as the auditor got close to something that could prove hard to explain our chief would quietly slide open his desk drawer and pull out one of the RV magazines (sometimes reclining back in his chair and putting his feet up on the desk).  It never failed to get the auditor’s attention and then we’d all start talking about RVs for a while. The auditor would always put down whatever it was that he was examining to ask for the RV magazine. After about five or ten minutes of idle chitchat about a topic that none us knew much about (other than what was necessary to pretend we did) we continued on with the audit. The one in the hot seat would by then have masterfully opened a new logbook.

On rare occasions the auditor would actually find something. Or perhaps he became tired of RV talk. That’s when a Playboy magazine was pulled out.  The audits always took about two or three hours and the vast majority of the time was spent talking about things other than what the auditor was there to talk about.

Does anyone remember purging the plants of everything prior to the 1988 ORSE? 

Those of you that served before or after the '88 ORSE probably never heard about how Rx Department was ordered by the RO to throw everything in the plant that wasn't physically attached to the deck or bulkhead overboard.  This included all steaming lockers, tool chests, tools, chairs, spare parts and technical manuals (plus a million other things).  We were ordered to do this because the RO thought the plants looked too cluttered.  It probably worked since we got an above average on the ORSE.  Afterwards, though, we couldn't fix anything because we had no tools, tool boxes, spare parts or technical manuals.

The Feast For Freedom

Seeing both MMCM Deaville and Melvin Holmes mentioned above reminds me of a very funny story that involves both of those guys.  During MMCM Deaville's reign of terror he decided to rid Rx Dept of all its fat boys.  Deville singled out people he thought unfit (which was nearly one-third of the department) and put them on his special watch list.  Each week he'd have the "chub club" weigh in and take body fat measurements.  If a person failed to make forward progress in 6-months, MMCM saw to it that he was booted from the navy.  Of course it didn't take a genius to realize that with morale so low people were doing everything they could to gain as much weight as possible.  This became known as "The Feast for Freedom."  M. Holmes was on MMCM's list and, like most, wasn't actively trying to lose weight.  I was in the Rx Admin office making copies the day MMCM gave Holmes the news that he failed to lose enough weight to stay in the navy.  Holmes was crying because he was so happy.  MMCM thought Holmes was crying because he was sad and so scolded him by saying: "Well son you knew this would happen!  I told you to lose weight.  I'm sorry but it's your fault.  You should have tried harder. You got nobody to blame but yourself."  I met Holmes a few minutes later in the hallway and he was still crying because he was so happy.

More 4-Plant Shenanigans: 

One night either the 4A or 4B Rx was being brought solid and a Heise Gauge watch had to be set in the FWD ELT shack. This was about 1989 or 1990. Back in those days RE Div was responsible for setting this watch and it was usually given to whoever the RE duty section leader could find and stab on the spot.  Whoever was assigned the watch that night brought with him a friend.  These guys didn't realize it but because the Heise Gauge watch had flipped up one earpiece of his sound-powered phone headset, everyone in EOS (and throughout the plant since everyone was on headsets) could hear what they were talking about. I won’t burden you with details but let’s just say that these two guys were homosexuals and they were talking about homosexual things. It wasn't until they actually began discussing "who in 4-plant had the cutest butt" that the watch officer finally ordered them to shut up. The Heise Gauge watch and his pal immediately realized their peril and stopped talking.  As soon as everyone got off watch the next morning they wanted to know who these two guys were but since there was no watchbill, no one knew for sure.  As far as who these two jokers thought had the cutest butt in 4-plant you ask?  It was a chief whose named rhymed with "Toffee." After that incident everyone in 4-plant would then whistle at "Chief Toffee" and ask him if anyone ever told him that he had a nice ass.  This really pissed "Chief Toffee" off and he didn't think it was in the least bit funny.

My Senior-in-Rate Board with the CO:

About the time I qualified senior-in-rate moral was at an all time low in Reactor Department.  This was primarily because of that idiot MMCM Devil and a new XO that was a total asshole.  I had my final board with Captain Rocky Spane on the bridge and was pretty worried because I had no idea how hard Spane was going to be.  When I showed up for my board the skipper was sitting in his "big chair" and was very friendly.  He didn't ask me one question about the plant, but instead bullshitted with me for about half an hour about personal things.  He then asked me if I had ever steered the ship before.  Because I hadn't he told the quartermaster to let me drive for a while.  I then got to steer the Pig and ring up a new bell.  Spane then signed off my board and I was qualified.  Believe it or not my moral was actually uplifted for a short while (until I went back down to watch TV and found that MMCM had secured Rx berthing).

 

Aft Lounge Poker: 

Does anyone remember those high-stake all night poker games that took place in the aft lounge?  Although it was totally illegal everyone knew these games were going on and the same bunch of idiots were always at the table.  One particular night the stakes were exceptionally high and MMC Watson walked in.  MMC Watson knew these guys were gambling and asked the boys what they were doing.  They tried to bullshit him and told him that "the chips" were only for fun with no value.  So MMC Watson said, "Then you won't mind if I mix them up then, huh?"  He then took the pile and spread them into all the individual piles.   Everyone in the lounge (with the exception the boys at the table) thought it was pretty funny.  These games actually got pretty serious.  One night during the 1990 cruise an ET (I can't remember his name) lost about $3,000 and tried to get out of paying it by reporting to the Master at Arms that his fellow card players were "gambling."

The Singapore "Happy House"

In March of  1986 The Big E pulled into Singapore.  As soon as we hit the beach we jumped into a cab and the driver asked us: "I take you to Happy House, yes?"  Since we had just gotten ashore we wanted only to find a hotel and told him to forget about the Happy House.  As soon as we got checked in at our hotel we decided to get something to eat and so we hopped in another cab.  Again, the driver asked us if we wanted to "go to Happy House."  We declined and asked to be taken to a restaurant instead.  After eating we decided to go shopping and so we got into another cab.  And, once again, we were asked by the driver if we'd like to go to the Happy House.  "NO!" we said, sick of being asked that stupid question over and over again.  All day it was the same thing.  No matter where we wanted to go our cab driver would ask us if we wanted to go to a Happy House.  Finally night arrived and we were bored and decided that maybe a visit to the "Happy House" might be worth a try.  We flagged down a cab and hopped in.  When we told the cab driver to take us to the Happy House, he said that he had no idea what we were talking about.  Believe it or not we actually found the only cab driver in all of Singapore that didn't know where the stupid Happy House was!

Do you guys remember that bastard EMCS (SW) Healy, the detailer, who was always screwing over all those reenlistee pukes?

Every once in a while EMCS (SW) Healy would come aboard the Enemaprise for a friendly visit.  His job job was basically to fill orders.  Within hours of his arrival re-enlistee scum with 5+ years of sea service would form a line in the hall in front of his makeshift office to beg for orders off the Pig.  Usually Healy, like most detailers, never had anything good to offer anyone.  In truth, he could care less about helping those idiots that had already re-enlisted. The real reason for his visit was to get guys that hadn't yet re-enlisted to re-enlist by enticing them with a great set of orders (that were always hidden up his sleeve). 

While Healy was aboard screwing everyone I sat in the RE Div office listening to what all the guys that had just come back from seeing this heartless guy were saying.  The story was basically the same: Healy had absolutely nothing to offer anyone except recruiter duty in Yakima, Washington.  In fact, from what I heard, he was desperate to fill the billet. (He had mistakenly cut orders for a guy who wanted to go to Washington D.C., not Washington State and the fellow was able to fight the transfer.) Toward the end of his visit Healy was practically begging people to take the orders.

On the last day of his visit Healy came down to the RE Div office to see me.  He knew that I had just made 1st class and was short (less than 99 DTG).  I was a prime target.  He congratulated me on making 1st class and then asked me if I had ever considered re-enlisting.  I told him that I didn't really know what I wanted to do (you know, baiting the hook). He then began his sales pitch about cutting me a set of dream orders to anywhere in the world I wanted to go if I re-enlisted.  I just scratched my head and said:

"I dunno senior chief.  I'm kinda homesick.  I think I just want to go back home to ol’ Yakima, Washington and spend some time with my friends and family."

He literally jumped out of his chair with excitement—he couldn’t believe his great luck! Needless to say he wasn’t in the least bit amused when I told him that I was only bullshitting him.  A whole bunch of people came up to me afterwards and thanked me for doing to this guy what he had done to them for so long.

Heavy Metal Elvis Has Entered the Building.......

After years of trying to locate my old buddy Heavy Metal Elvis I finally found him!

King Paul, You Found Me!

My God, this website is great! Thank goodness for normal people! It sucks so bad having to bite your lip when you've got wicked cool sea stories that you can't share with civilians because they might not see the humor in little kids dodging jeepneys. I miss my time on the pig. And, of course, I miss PI. And Rio. And, well, practically everywhere that buying a piece of ass is a perfectly normal thing to do..... BTW, I'm married, and my wife is perfectly cool with my sea stories. Probably wouldn't be cool with me going to PI for vacation, though.

I always got a kick out of Massa Twig, the obese master chief. He always jogged without a shirt, and his enormous payload was bright red on top and stark white below his cavernous belly button. He liked to brag that his tire was a solar shield to protect his muddafuckin genateels.

I was on fat boys practically my entire enlistment. The only time I was ever under 22 percent was when I went on one-puck-a-day diet and ran countless laps around the hangar deck so I could get recommendation for first class. I took the exam, got selected, and then realized that I'd forgotten to apply for college. So I extended for nine months. Besides gaining loads of extra pay, I also became "career designated." And then the nav started the dreaded force reductions, meaning anybody who was "career designated" and got forced out--even for medical reasons--earned bonus loot. $Feast for Dinero$!  So, I went on a one-puck-an-hour diet. My chub went from 21% to 30% in about six months. Then I requested to re-enlist. Rx master chief tried to block my chit, but the RO signed it not recommended and forwarded it up along with an explanatory memo that I was trying to rip off the government. But rulez are rulez, and the XO had to deny it, due to me not meeting bodyfat requirements, and I pocketed another $5,500 from Uncle Sucker on my way out the door.  Spermlock was the most disgusted with my profiteering. I especially liked massaging the budda and drawling "Five Thousand Dollahs" for him. I felt a little sorry for the poor quasi-lifer bastards I saw there in personnel collecting their checks, getting the shaft after 19 years in. But hey, that's what they get for being loyal to the fucking nav, eh? No good deed goes unpunished.

Wow, I'm touched. Did my artwork really get sent to the Senate? I heard that the RO lost his following command over his retarded "clean up the plants" debacle. But that's just rumor. Serves the peckerhead right. We could never keep track of "shared" tools after we lost the steaming lockers.

Finally, Randy, if you see this, my apologies. For a whole damn Westpac, every weekend you asked my alter-ego Max dB to play some Mott the Hoople on K-ENT TV radio. And every weekend I forgot. I still feel guilty about it. Sorry, dude.

Heavy Metal Elvis

 

Another Sleeping Watch Officer Story: 

I'm not sure if it was "Lt. Venison" or not, but it could have been.  Once when I was on watch in 2-plant the Watch Officer fell asleep.  Both ROs, the throttleman and the LRPT turned off the EOS lights, turned on all the flashing alarm lights and then set off every alarm buzzer they could at once.  The Watch Officer nearly shit himself when he woke up.

A Veteran of the "Big Fire" Writes in: 

Gents!

I just found your site, spent a few minutes surfing, came to the conclusion that most of your regulars are beyond my time significantly, kind of sad, it would have been great to spot someone I'd hadn't seen in 35 years. Anyway, I'd like to post, was on board for the fire in '69 (#1 switchgear room was my GQ station). Three tours to Viet Nam. Twice around the Horn. I'll probably have to go into some special places to pull up memories. The Big E was the best sea duty in the last half of the 20th century, bar none.

Dale Keys
Class of 67/4, Mare Island/Idaho
E-Division, Distribution
Fall 1968, January 1973.

Editor's Note: Those wishing to learn more about the "Big E Fire" should check out this website: www.bigefire.com

Another '60s Era Big E Nuke Writes In.... 

Shipmates,

I've been in, out & back again a few time to your site. Not much traffic from the 60's until I saw a note from Dale Keys ~ Class of 67/4.  I don't remember Dale, but then Reactor Div. had quite a few guys & it has been over 30 years....Hello Dale. I was Class 66/1, also Mare Island/Idaho.  I was an IC/RT in  #4 plant from 67 to 69.  Transferred to GyroTech school & then the Bainbridge in Dec 69...one week before deployment.

Lyn Small, 
Kitty Hawk, NC

Another 80s Big E Nuke Has Found the Site: 

Hello,

I have enjoyed your web site a lot.  It has brought back some
memories.  I have shared it with a few friends that I have kept in touch with.  You can list me on your contact list, I worked in RC11 & RC22 from 1982 till 1985.  I was reading your postings on the Mooj site, I was bummed that you stopped. You got on board after I left but I always get a kick by reading others sea stories. I work at Lockheed and there is a lot of ex-military so I have heard stories from all branches. I guess I will sit down when I can get some time and maybe write down some of
the interesting happenings I witnessed when I was there. Keep up the good work on the web site.

Patrick Dunaway

 

Just How Sick Were Those RM22 Guys?

I can't remember if it was during the '86 or '88 cruise but once when a newly qualified watch officer was making his tour of the plant those nasty boys in RM22 arranged a big surprise for him.  As soon as they heard him page the PPWS to the EOS they took their places in RAR LL and waited.  I can't remember who it was exactly (8-ball, Wood-Dog, Chaney, Pyle, Fluff...) but two RM22 guys dropped their pants and skivvies and then one bent over in front of the other.  When the PPWO came down the stairs into LL he couldn't believe his eyes.  I'm not sure if it was the shock of seeing two guys supposedly fucking or perhaps it was the others standing around and cheering, but the WO freaked out and ran back up the stairs as fast as he could.  The WO then returned to EOS, refusing to explore the plant any further (afraid of what else he might find).  Everyone in the EOS knew what the RM22 boys had done and kept asking the WO if he saw anything interesting on his tour.  He didn't say a word the whole rest of his watch.

More Mail: 

Hi,

Very cool site you have here.  Please add my name and email to the Big E Nuke contact list.

Russ Leese, 
RC-11 1983 - 1986

Do You Guys Remember Steamers? 

I'm not sure why but back in the old days Rx Dept. often went on "steamers" while in port if the Rxs stayed critical.  Back in '86  I was a nub and the Pig pulled into Subic Bay for a short 36-hour stay.  All but a few of the plants stayed up and most of us had to remain on 4-12s.  I was only qualified LRPT back then and so as soon as I got off watch I hit the beach and got drunk.  Somehow I made it back to the ship in time to stand my next watch but I was in pretty bad shape.  But I wasn't alone--everyone else on my watch team was in a similar condition.  Both Rxs were critical and the WO did everything he could to keep everyone in EOS alert and awake (he kept making small talk and posing riddles to us).  I was feeling like shit and did everything I could not to puke.  But then it happened: the 2A RO (Voltz?) started puking, which caused the 2B RO (Teeter?) to start puking and then I began puking.  After that the WO didn't say another word.  Later during that same watch the PPWS came into EOS to report that both the CMO and CRAO were passed out.  That was the longest 4 hours of my life.  I did everything I could to stay awake and then when my watch was over all I wanted to do was go to sleep.  But I didn't.  I changed my clothes as fast as I could and hit the beach again.  I didn't sleep the entire time we were in PI.

Another Random Memory: 

Even though I was officially a 4-planter, most of my nub days were spent standing shutdown watches in the aft group (this was during the Hunters Point/Alameda SRA).  As a result I got to know many of the 2 plant RMs and had lots of fun with these guys over the years.  Like most in 2-plant I called MM2 Dogstraddler by his nickname "Fluf."  After about a year of doing this I finally asked Dogstraddler what "Fluf" meant.  He had no idea.  Someone (Dan Coyne I think it was) then shouted out that Fluf stood for "Fat Little Ugly Fucker."  The look on Fluf's face was priceless.

 

Does Anyone Remember CHUD? (A Distant Memory From an Anonymous RC Guy, Too Ashamed to Reveal His Name.)

CHUD was the RCA back when I was in RC Div.  He was a total loser and we all hated him.  No matter what was going on he always had to be there (even if it was 2:00 a.m.).  This guy never slept and was pretty much a walking zombie.  One night a bunch of us overheard him tell our division officer that he was too tired to stay up anymore and was going to go to his stateroom to sleep.  (We were in the middle of some big-sweat troubleshooting mess at the time in 3-plant.)  We waited about thirty minutes (we figured that's how long it would take him to fall asleep) and then called his stateroom.  When he answered (obviously woken out of a deep sleep) I said: "Hurry! We need you down in 4-plant--ASAP!" and then hung up.  Sure enough CHUD was spotted trotting half-dressed down the 2nd deck passageway a few minutes later.  Soon, thereafter, he was spotted walking back to his stateroom with a confused look on his face (obviously the 4-plant WO told him that nothing was the matter and that they hadn't called).  We waited long enough for him to fall asleep again and then I called him again, yelling: "Where are you?  We need you in 1-plant NOW!"  (We even had a few alarms going off in the background.)  A few minutes later CHUD was spotted trotting down the main deck once again.  And, again, he was told that nothing was the matter.  A very confused CHUD then came around to all the plants to see if anything was wrong and ask if anyone had called him.  He was too messed up to fuck with any further that night so we just left him alone after that.

CHUD!!!

Ahhhh! I hated CHUD!  Does anyone know what happened to that guy?  I feel sorry for the poor slobs on whatever ship he went to become XO of (or, God forbid, the ship he eventually got command of).  Does anyone remember what "CHUD" stood for?  Wasn't it "Clueless-Humpty Dumpty" or something like that?  Originally I think he was just called "Humpty Dumpty" because he looked like Humpty Dumpty.  I think the "clueless" part got added on later, when it was fully realized by Rx Dept etal. how broke-dick that guy really was.  I remember our DO was always getting mad at us for referring to the RCA as CHUD.  After a few months of working for CHUD our DO started calling him CHUD, too.  In fact, everyone called him CHUD, even very senior officers.  I remember being down in Central Control once and hearing one EOOW turn over the watch to another, saying something, like, "Be careful, CHUDs on watch down in 3 plant..."

Also, do you guys remember when CHUD would go insane with anger, start swearing and then start throwing RPMs around EOS?

Another Ex-RM22 Nuke Finds this Site!

Wow,

I got this info from Dan Edick, an old 1-Planter.  Some of you guys might remember me.  It was hard not to as I was one of the few "brothers" in RM div.  I was in RM22 from 81-84 and I might have even been some of you guys' LPO in RT from 84-85.  I always wondered what happened to some of my "nubs" when I was LPO in RT for the 84 cruise. Looks like some of you guys turned out pretty good after all.  I'm still in CA, and now I am a health and safety instructor for United Airlines after working out at LLNL for three years.  Look forward to hearing from you guys.  Some one said it, I have no doubt that we were the best nukes in the world, and corny as it sounds I'm glad I was on no other ship. There was just something unique about "Bldg 65" (If you were in the shipyard you know what I mean). Would love to have a reunion of some sort.  I'll add some stories later.  For now I wanted to get this in. I can be contacted at any time at either of these e-mail addresses:

navynuke@aol.com

tony.boone@ual.com

Thanks for the website!
Tony Boone

RM-22 Div, RT LPO
1981-1985, Westpacs '82-'83, 84

PS

Bush sux!
Hines sux!
TPS!

EE30's Finest (A Story Relayed to Me Many Years Ago):

Remember the old saying, "If you don't have anything nice to say about someone, don't say it." With that in mind I have nothing to say about EE30's Bill Shaut.  Except one thing that really isn't that mean.  This guy (Bill Shaut) was regarded by most in RX and ENG to be an AH.  I never met the guy until late in my tour of duty, when I had the pleasure of standing a watch with him (he was the SWGR and I was the RE).  I can't recall how it happened but somehow my pal Mike the Wad (who was down in the plant) and I so enraged this poor guy that he almost strangled both of us to death.  (There's a dopey book cartoon showing this episode in one of the RE04 books linked to by this site.)  I forget why Shaut tried to hurt us that day but we undoubtedly deserved it.  Anyway, I digress.   Here's my story that isn't so mean:  I remember once a conventional E-Diver was standing watch with me and told me that once he was driving along the dark and deserted roads of NAS Alameda after midnight when a strange car pulled behind him and started to follow him.  This person tailed him for a number of blocks and then blasted out a warning sound (from a CB radio that was hooked up to be a PA) and told this fellow to pull over.  The E-Div guy thought it might be an undercover base security officer so he obeyed.  It turned out to be Shaut, who witnessed him run a stop sign and was stopping him to make a citizen's arrest.  The guy basically told Shaut to go f__k himself.

Mr. "I Hate the Nav."

When I was in RT the M-Div guy up there was a guy named MM1 Warren Hay.  This guy was really, really short and was always bad mouthing the navy, the Pig, and sea life in general.  It was pretty disparaging to many of us nubs to hear such talk, since most of us just got there and still had at least 4 years of sea service to fulfill.  Anyway, MM1 Hay got out of the navy and made a big deal about it.  Because most of us remembered how anti-navy MM1 Hay was we were all baffled to see him six months later when he arrived back on the Pig after re joining the navy.  That was pretty sad.

My Drive on The Flight Deck

I got on the ship when it still had a couple of months left in the yards up in Bremerton.  I found the civilian guard at the gate of the pier area and told him I needed to report to the Enterprise. He said I had to be picked up by a crew member. He called the ship and told them to come and get me. Well I waited for about two hours before someone picked me up. During that time the guard kept ranting about how all the Enterprise sailors were drunks, thieves or just general troublemakers and he would be very happy to see building 65 (he had to explain that the ship had set at the same pier for so long that they called it that) leave. After settling into berthing and the lovely routine of 12 hour days plus watches for nubs, we did the fast cruise and went out for sea trials.  Finally the ship was ready to go to Alameda. The announcement was made that everyone was supposed to go together to Alameda, including families, even pets. A couple of ramps were laid from the pier to the edge of one of the forward elevators to drive your car up onto the hanger bay, then you drove down to one of the aft elevators for the ride to the flight deck. The elevator ride to the flight deck while I sat in my car was pretty cool. So I drove to the designated spot and parked my car on the flight deck. Some flight deck types tied it down. They packed the cars in really close to get as many as they could on the ship. And then off we went to sea for a couple of days. The first morning at sea I woke up and heard the strangest sounds. I heard a bunch of dogs barking. I followed the noises and found out that they had designated the jet engine shop (right above berthing) as the kennel for any pets being transported. During the couple of days out at sea, I took some photos of the all the cars on the flight deck (the hanger bay was also full). I will try to scan them in if anyone is interested. The day we arrived in Alameda, I had a 1930 central control phone talker watch, but that still gave me plenty of time to get my car off and parked on the pier. Except I didn't count on having the car in front of me and the car in back of me not be able to start (squid cars, what do you expect). So I am sitting there in my car waiting, I was waiting for so long that I feel asleep for awhile. Finally one of the flight deck guys came woke me up and helped direct me from between the two cars, there was probably less had a foot of clearance between us. This time they just put the ramps from the flight deck to the pier, what a ride! I believe that was one of the coolest things I every got to do on the ship. After I parked, I barely had enough time to grab a bite to eat and go to my phone talker watch.

P.D.

That Horrible Italian Porn

Do you guys remember that Italian porn that was all over the ship after we pulled out of Naples, Italy during the 1986 World Cruise?  The stuff looked innocent (since it was sold on the street corners by old women and children) and so just about every squid with a few beers in him and a few extra Lira in his pocket picked up a magazine or two on his way back to the ship.  The stuff was nasty.  So nasty, in fact, that no one wanted anything to do with it.  I remember always finding one of those magazines thrown on my rack so I'd have to immediately throw it on someone else's rack. (I was always afraid that I would somehow get killed and all my belongings would get boxed up and sent home to my mom and somehow one of those Italian porno magazines would be in the mix.)  I remember that "stuff" was still seen floating around long after the cruise was over and we were in SRA in Alameda.

Another Early 70s Big E Nuke Has Written In.

2 wartime cruises, 1 peacetime cruise.  I have no objection to anything said about what I did.  I had about 1% blood alcohol after visits to Subic, drinks were 5 cents, doubles were a dime at NAS Cubi Point.  I now suffer from Washheimers.  I remember "nothing".  The 2 war cruises were great. The peacetime cruise sucked!

Dan Loudermilk - #3 plant RPO 1971 - 1975 class 70-3, Bainbridge

 

HME Reenters The Building....

Wow, tons of messages! The site is looking better and better. Are those "campaign" badges airdale-exclusive items? Here's a couple stories. Pretty lame, I admit:

Speaking of airdales, they always pissed me off.  I remember having to carry a clipboard, following khaki klowns around for "zone inspections," and we'd go to airdale-owned spaces that had been illegally secured half a day while they polished the deck with an electric buffer (compared to us RX dept slave bitch Cinderellas, who waxed on our hands and knees in the plants). This happened all the time: no-load airdales would get OUTSTANDING on a space that saw zero traffic. I'd point out DC hits, but the khakis didn't give a shit. So one day my orificer didn't show up and I was told to inspect by myself. Not surprisingly, I found un lubed door seals, green shit growing on the threads of the fireplug, fun fun fun, no liberty for you boys: UN-fooking-SAT. The slackers probably thought I was a dig-it lifer or something. Speaking of gun decking, ballbusting khakis always dug and dug for hits down in the plants. They couldn't give any score but UNSAT or "barely-"SAT. They always had to find two hits. REs always kept the switchgears so damn spotless, they'd be looking under benches for accumulated wax or doing white glove checks in wireways. But I figured 'em out. If they gotta have two hits, then give'em two hits! So, we'd pull the batteries out of the battle lantern and deliberately leave the dust pile right in the corner by the door after sweeping. Bing, boom, two hits, barely SAT. Put the batteries back in and go home early while the dinqs in the other (probably nicer looking) switchgears scrubbed the filthy caked-on wax out of the corners. Well, maybe I exaggerate, but it's a neat thought. And, speaking of ballbusting khakis, I wish I could remember which klown it was nagging at me for using JP-5 to strip the wax off the deck because it was so "dangerous." So I snuffed my cigarette out in the wash bucket of fuel. When somebody insults my intelligence I tend to get dramatic.

HME/King Booty

A Story of Favoritism:

Back in 3 plant we were considered the losers. When one of the feed reg valves started to fail open at irregular intervals, we figured it was the SGLCC's 3A1 output mag amp that was the cause of the fault. Well, we were told over and over again that it was impossible and that we were dumbshits, who couldn't troubleshoot our way out of a paper bag. During an inport period in Olongpo, one S/D mid watch, we took ours out, cold, power off. I went up to 1 plant, the MMR watch was a steaming buddy. I had to swap it out HOT. Miracles of all miracles, on the next line period out in Tokin Gulf on Yankee Station, their 1A1 feed reg valve started failing open in auto. The RT in 1plant was believed, since he had attained the status of Reactor Tech. The guy in the shop figured out what happened. He asked me how I did it hot. I told him the most dangerous things in the plant were jumpers and tweakers. More stories about O town, S/Us with 13 falling down drunks and an RO tied in his chair so he wouldn’t fall out. Later.

Also, does anyone know any web sites that have images of the military ribbons? I want to create a bumper sticker with my 2 rows and underneath saying: "Any Questions?" I wish to combat the PC on my job at EBMUD and all the diversity rainbow stickers with no color white on them! If I wasn't paid so much I'd leave the Bay Area for Nevada in a heartbeat.

D.L.

My Old Pal Lance Winters Visits the Site: 

... Very cool site, brings back memories.  I need to put some stories together from the hazy recollections that I have from those days.  Some of the best memories are of junior officers receiving letters of rejection from NAMBLA and of assigning what's-his-name the task of monatomic nitrogen safety p.o. Most of my memories are scattered and incoherent, suitable only for haiku format.

Lance Winters

Lance Winters and I were great friends. We reported to the pig around the same time, about a month into Westpac '86. A lot of senior guys probably remember us since we were always up to no good. One gag I remember fondly was when he and I convinced everyone that we had won the "BIG E NICE GUY AWARD." Of course, there was no such award. We made it all up. I even paid some mess deck moron ten bucks to display on the ship’s menu board a note that read: "CONGRATULATIONS MM2 WINTERS AND EM3 TULI—This year's BIG ‘E’ NICE GUY AWARD WINNERS!" Every one on the ship must have seen the thing because the guy left it up there for about a week.  I remember my chief (Jim Whitsett) found out it was a joke and carried on the gag by calling the ship’s newspaper and asked them to write a story about the award and other crew members that had won it in the past. People often asked us how it was possible that we could win such an award since we were such assholes.  

I also remember our friendly "sign wars," where he and I would hang phony signs up all over the ship advertising some far-fetched thing or other. One of the funniest episodes involved another guy named Randy Jestice (RC11). One day I saw a sign posted on the mess decks that read:

"Lost, Sept. 1965 issue of Playboy. Please return if found - very sentimental because my mom is in it. Contact MM2 Winters, RM div."

I thought it was funny as hell and had no idea who put it up. The next day there were signs hung up all over the ship that read:

"ROOMMATE WANTED-Looking to share apartment or house with a special someone when we return to NAS Alameda. Are you kind, compassionate and sensitive? Do you like to hold hands and watch old movies? Do you like moon-lit walks on the beach? Then let me know and maybe we can be roommates. Contact EM3 Tuli, RE div."

This went on for days—someone would put up a nasty sign about Winters and then he'd retaliate by putting up signs about me.  I kept telling Lance that it wasn't me putting up the signs about him but he wouldn't believe me. Someone finally tipped me off that it was Randy Jestice. To get even with Randy I went and put an ad in the ship's newspaper seeking assistance for writing lyrics for religious rock songs. I gave his name and the RC division office phone number as the point of contact. Randy was at the newspaper office the next day begging them to pull the ad after his butt was reamed on account of all the calls the RC office was getting from his "would be" religious rock co-lyricists. This went on pretty much the whole rest of the Westpac. I can't remember what all the signs said but they were always very funny.

And since I'm on the subject I must now apologize to MM2 Wayne Baran of RM22. For the last 16 years I have been anguishing over the fact that I once did something very uncool to poor Wayne and I have always been too ashamed to talk about it. I guess now's as good a time as any to confess my sin so here it goes: Poor Wayne had the misfortune of hanging up a legitimate sign during this sorry "sign war" period. Wayne was looking for a lost Beatles songbook. His sign basically described the book and asked that the finder return it, "no questions asked." I saw his sign and immediately hung up one underneath that read:

"For Sale! Beatles Songbook. All your favorites, a must for any Beatles fan!" 

I then described the book exactly as Wayne did and at the bottom noted that anyone interested should contact MM2 Winters. I then sat there and just watched people walk by, notice the two signs, and then as if overcome by sheer genius, deduce that Winters probably stole the book and was trying to fence it. It didn't take long for word to trickle back to Baran and he was in poor Lance's face demanding the book back or else! Poor Lance had no idea what Wayne was talking about.

One more story and then I promise to shut up: Lance and I were also pretty notorious for starting fake rumors. Our motis operandi was usually to just talk loud enough for others to hear us while we stood in line for the chow hall. For example, one day I said something like, "Dude, I got some mail from my mom. She sent me some newspaper articles about Muhammed Ali's funeral." And Lance responded with something like, "You know I didn't even know Muhammed Ali was dead until yesterday, when I was standing watch on the bridge and they were talking about it..." Those standing behind us heard our conversation and soon word began spreading down the line that Muhammed Ali was dead. [You have to remember, back in those days when we were out to sea we were totally cut off from the outside world.] Later that day I learned that Muhammed Ali really was dead. I felt terrible about joking about him earlier in the day. All day people were talking about Muhammed Ali and how sad it was that he had died. It wasn't until several months later (when we were were finally back in Alameda) that I saw Muhammed Ali on live TV and realized that he wasn't dead. It was then that I realized that I was somehow fooled into believing my own stupid rumor! Another rumor that Lance and I successfully propagated throughout the ship that caused quite a stir was that a mail plane crashed, taking along with it 10,000 lbs of Enterprise-bound letter mail. This rumor was spread during a dry period, when the Big E had not received any mail for 3 or 4 weeks. The ship's moral was crushed by the supposed mail plane crash and Capt. Rocky Spane actually had to make a 1-MC announcement to squash the rumor. (Do you guys remember how every time before Capt. Spane would make his 1-MC announcements that they would play that stupid theme song from Rocky?) 

KP

 

Enterpig

What is up? I was there. I was there for all of it. All those sick people standing watch in two plant. It was disgusting! I was a typical clean cut loving the navy RL division guy in the aft shack, shit it was in two plant control equipment, and LRPT for like 15 years also in 2 plant. I was there for 1,396 days from sometime in 87 until January 91.

Dan Miller

I know of other RL div guys from same time period if you are interested.

Later


KP Note: Yes, I guess we have room in our hearts for more RL Div guys.  I remember Dan Miller.  He was about as squared away as his big bud MM1 Aiken!

The Clap

On my 2nd cruise, the Medical Officer came on the 1MC, and announced that 3,500 of the 5,000 on the CVAN-65 had one form or another of venereal disease. Anyone catching it 3X would be kicked out of the USN. One RPO, who shall remain nameless (earthquake) already had it twice. He went back into Olongopo to the same honey, then he presented himself at medical. They started discharge procedures but again it was proven that "nukes need not apply." More later.

D.L.

FTN

10 years later and the Navy still sucks!

Leonard Meyer
RE03
1987-1991

 
Lenny Meyer!  Now there's a guy I haven't heard from in a long time.  Of all the practical jokes I pulled on the pig none got me in more trouble than one I pulled on poor Lenny.  Perhaps I should tell the story (since that's what I do on this website ... tell stories).  Do you guys remember all those stupid XO’s Suggestion Boxes that were located around the ship?  Usually near each one was a little pad of paper with "XO's Suggestion Box" letterhead on the top and a little stubby pencil.  (These were provided for those wishing to make anonymous suggestions to the XO I guess).  One day I passed one of these boxes and was seized upon by what I thought was a brilliant idea for a joke.  I snagged a sheet of paper from one of those pads, took it back to the RE office and then wrote something on it like:

XO’s Suggestion Box
USS Enterprise (CVN 65)

This place sucks! I hate this place. I’m tired of working for morons who have their heads stuck up their butt. Everyone here is a moron. Not me, though — I’m smarter than most of these losers and it sucks having to work for incompetent people all the time. I hate this place it sucks! The whole Navy sucks!

Respectfully,
L. Meyer, RE Div


I then wrote the following message at the top of the note using green ink (the color used by the XO for official stuff): 

"Reactor Officer, Please see me about this."

I then scribbled underneath that something like:

"RCA see me about this."

Then I attached a "yellow sticky" that said:

"RE DO, What the fuck is this all about? Get your ass into my office ASAP!"

I then signed the above statement using my best CHUD forgery.  [The RCA always communicated to our poor DO via these "yellow stickies." Our DO, a fellow named Art Castillio (Mr. C. to us) cringed every time he saw one of those yellow ‘post it’ notes from the RCA.]

After I had assembled this awful—and potentially lethal—forgery, I tossed it into Mr. C’s In Basket. (The reason I made the note from Lenny Meyer was that he was the person in RE most likely to really put something like that in the XO's suggestion box!)  I expected Mr. C to be in the office momentarily and sat poised to relieve him of his heart attack as soon as he read the fictitious memo.  (Mr. C. had a pretty good sense of humor.)  But Mr. C. never showed up. Pretty soon I had to go on watch and forgot all about the note. When I returned to the office 4 hours later I witnessed pure pandemonium! Rich Hordyke and Lenny Meyer were pouring through old logs trying to find as many samples of Lenny’s handwriting as possible. I asked them what was going on and Rich told me:

"This is awful! Someone forged Lenny’s signature on an XO suggestion memo and wrote some pretty awful stuff. Mr. C. just left to go see the RCA to try and straighten this mess out."

I nearly shit myself!  Never in my life did I run faster than I did that day.  But I was too late—Mr. C. was already leaving the RCA’s office when I arrived. But luckily CHUD was such an idiot that he had no idea what Mr. C. was talking about.  Mr. C. wisely dropped the matter and excused himself.  When I revealed to Mr. C. that the note was a joke, he was both irate and relieved at the same time.  I got into a bit of trouble over that one. 

KP

Some More Old Friends...

Lucky for us Lenny Meyer keeps in touch with many ex-Big E nukes.  My mailbox was filled with messages this morning from old friends, many of whom I haven't heard from in over 10 years.  Most learned of this site through Lenny.  Many of the messages were personal so I won't post them here but I'll give you a quick rundown on some of Reactor Dept's more memorable characters.  Those of you who stood watch in 2 plant in the mid to late 80s will certainly remember RE02's Dave Fisher.  Dave is now married and living in Jonesboro, Arkansas.  He has two children and is living the good life.  Everyone should also remember 3-plant's Ken Yamamoto.  Ken is also married and is living near LA. He works for a company that designs and manufactures semiconductor thermal processing equipment. (The last time I saw Ken was at the LA County Fairgrounds in 1994; we were both taking our state engineer licensing exams.)  Do you guys remember RE03's Rich Marsh?  Rich is now working in the computer field, doing network security stuff.  He is married and lives in SF.  (The last time I saw Rich was at the SF Blues Festival, circa 1990. I think we were both out of the navy by then.)  Another RE03 fellow that most of us remember is Jolly Roger Goodman.  My old pal Roger is actually a respectable guy now, working in the Radiation Safety office at the National Institute of Health in Bethesda, Maryland.  He is married and has two children.  And last but not least I also heard from 2-plant's Dave Lambermont.  Dave now lives in Columbus, OH and is working in the high tech field.  He still runs into Lenny Meyer and Rich Marsh from time to time when he's back in SF.  Back in the old days these guys had a place in SF.  Us homeless guys (er--guys that lived on the Pig) were always freeloading at their apartment in downtown SF.  There were lots of wild parties going on there that most of us don't remember since so much alcohol was involved.

Also, do you guys remember Mike Merg?  Dave sent me a link to Mike's website.  Click on this and see if you recognize him!

 

No. 4 EDG SWGR Vice

I often wonder if E-Div still has its "lounge" down in the #4 EDG Switchgear room.  Back during the 89-90 world cruise those who were in "the cool club" would meet down there nightly for whatever vice could be found.  It was such a pain in the ass to get down there (you had to crawl straight down 10 decks on a ladder) that I only went down there once.  It was to view a disgusting adult entertainment video that was making the rounds called, Barnyard Follies (and I'll leave it to your imagination as to what that film was about).  When I was down there I was amazed at all the stuff they had crammed into that tiny little space (TV, VCR, a couch, stereos, etc.).  They even had a roulette table!

A Random Clubbing

I won't mention the fellow's name but most of you in RE Div during the 1990 world cruise will probably remember this guy.  He was a nub and was very arrogant.  Unlike most nubs, who knew their station in life, this guy actually thought he was worthy of flipping us senior guys shit.  This guy's rack was located right above mine.  One night we were in port somewhere (Hong Kong?) and it was the last night of liberty.  It was a typical last night of liberty, with 90 percent of the crew returning to the ship drunk out of their skulls.  Reactor Berthing, like just about everywhere else on the ship, was alive with the sound of jolly and belligerent squids.  I was trying to sleep and heard someone wander back into the RE section of berthing.  I then heard the familiar sound of someone's rack curtain being slid open and then a loud "thud."  The intruder then ran off as the person in the rack above me screamed out in pain.  The lights came on and we all poked our heads out of our racks to witness the "arrogant one" climb out of his rack with his nose all bloody.  Someone had punched this guy in the face while he was asleep.  In truth, it was most likely a random act of violence perpetrated by some 3rd Div retard, who hated nukes and decided to pop someone on his way back to 3rd Div berthing.  But it couldn't have happened to a nicer guy!  We in RE div took advantage of this fateful whack and convinced the "arrogant one" that he was actually slugged by someone in RE that was tired of his attitude and wanted to teach him some respect.  It worked.  The guy actually mellowed out after that.

 

Enjoying the Stories?  Go to Page Two of The Official Reactor and Engineering Department Web Site For More........

 

Home | Page 1 | Page 2 | Page 3 | Page 4 | Page 5 | Page 6 | Page 7 | Page 8 | Page 9 | Page 10 | Page 11 | Page 12 | Page 13 | Page 14 | Page 15 | Page 16 | Page 17 | Page 18 | Page 19 | Page 20 | Page 21 | Page 22 | Page 23 | Page 24 | Page 25 | Page 26 | Page 27 | Page 28 |Page 29 | Page 30 | Page 31 | Page 32 | Page 33 | Page 34 | Page 35 | Page 36 | Page 37 | Page 38 |Page 39 | Page 40 | Page 41 | Page 42 | Page 43 | Page 44 | Page 45 | Page 46 | Page 47 | Page 48 | Page 49 | Page 50 | Page 51